Today’s Topics:  1) RedBox Etiquette   2) The Word “Niche”

 Mood Music:  “Say It Right” by Nelly Furtado (Stick with me, folks)

Guest Blogger:  Don

 OK, based on the choice of Mood Music, I am confident that you all realize that this isn’t Willo.  I’m just a guy that thinks he knows it all.  The other day I was encountered with two situations that, while completely separate, infuriated me the same.  Hopefully some of you out there feel the same, or maybe I am just a curmudgeonly prick and need to get a life.  You be the judge.

 Firstly, I hope that most of you are familiar with the recent rise of RedBox, not to be confused with RedTube.  For those that require an explanation, RedBox is a red machine, in the shape of a box, that rents DVDs for $1 per night. 

The user interface is a touch screen where you can browse the 50 or so new releases that are available.  You can also tap the movie that tickles your fancy and read a plot summary prior to making your decision.  You simply swipe a credit card, and the movie pops out.  Essentially, RedBox is a 4’ x 5’ kiosk that is putting thousands of 15,000 SF Blockbuster Video Warehouses out of business.  The best part, you can go online and reserve the movie you want.  Just swipe your card at the kiosk at your leisure, and you’re in business. 

 RedBox is simple.  That’s why it is spreading like H1N1.  There are even 3 of them in Aiken.

 Now, I swing by a RedBox to pick up the documentary “Tyson” the other day (aside: rent that movie tonight).  I had reserved the movie at home prior to my trip, as I knew my errands that day would lead me to my local RedBox, conveniently located at Harris Teeter.  I get there, and there is only one woman in line in front of me.  No problem.  Keep in mind, I have no idea how long she had been at that machine prior to my arrival on the scene, 30 seconds, an hour, who knows.  After about 3 minutes, I wonder what is taking so long.  I’m watching over her shoulder, and she is cruising through the 5 or six screens of selections, over and over.  At the 5 minute mark, I let out an audible sigh, but continue to watch her technique.  I caught her reading the plot summary of “The Butterfly Effect 3,” then she moves on.  Another minute later, she is reading the plot to “The Butterfly Effect 3.”  Holy shit lady, why the hell would you need to TWICE read the synopsis of the second straight-to-DVD sequel to a shitty Ashton Kutcher movie.  Here it is: “This movie blows and you’re a fucking moron if you rent it.” 

Well, next thing I know she reaches in her purse, withdraws her cell phone, and calls her buddy.  She then proceeds to read the plot summary to “The Butterfly Effect 3” to her over the phone.  Holy Christ, if I would have had a taser, she would have been a grease stain on the pavement.  Well, after about 8 minutes of burning calories over such a difficult decision, she opted to not get anything, and went walking off, giggling on her phone to her buddy.  8 minutes… for nothing!  RedBox is designed to take no more than 2 minutes.  Look at the 5 screens, make a choice, and gets to stepping.  Oh yeah, it took me 10 seconds to swipe my card and have my movie, as I’m not an asshole and reserved my movie before I came.

 I am hereby proposing a 2 minute RedBox rule.  Once you start scanning the movies and the kiosk, there is a timer displayed at the top of the screen.  Once your time is out, so’s your luck.  RedBox is all about efficiency, and some jackleg deciding whether to rent “Dude, Where’s my Car 4: The Lost Jetski” runs counter to the spirit of the company.

 Now, on to my other jag, and I will be brief.  I only listen to 2 things on the radio: Howard Stern and Colin Cowherd.  Well, the Herd sometimes likes to reach over into the business world during the show.  This deviation from the plot led Colin to discuss “niche markets.”  However, he pronounced the word “niche” as neesh.  I get it, “niche” has French roots, therefore he wanted to sound smart and cultured.  Twenty bucks that shithead wants to roll his tongue when he orders a burrito at Taco Bell, and although extremely lame, it is technically the right way to say it.  Even I’ve been known to say Mahareeta! after a few margaritas.  But the thing is, “niche” is correctly pronounced nitch.  Go to dictionary.com, look it up, and click the pronounce button.  You will hear nitch.  So, not only do you sound like a pretentious clown, but a stupid pretentious clown to boot.  When in doubt, stick with the Southern American accent with foreign words, as to avoid looking like a shitty junior college liberal arts professor.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/niche

 Sorry, I went a little long.  I’m out- gotta head down to RedBox to pick up Cruel Intentions 4.  I read the plot summary six times, and these intentions look to be the cruelest yet.  Later beeshes!

Thanks to Don for the guest blogging…..

I’ll talk at you all again later.

“when there’s no time for joking there’s a hole in the plan”