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Today’s Topic: Screw the Yankees….and Chip Caray…..and Jeff Bennett (I’m ranting again so stop here if you don’t like harsh language…..seriously this time….I warned you)
Mood Music: Blowin’ in the Wind by Bob Dylan
For those of you that don’t know (not sure how that could be possible if you’ve been on here before but I understand if you haven’t) I’m a huge Atlanta Braves fan. I’m a huge sports fan in general (not quite as obsessive as some guys that can rattle off the batting average of Mickey Mantle in 1960…but not too far off….by the way….that guy was probably at Turner Field tonight, more on that in a sec). Baseball is my favorite sport and if you know anything about baseball, you know that former players…be it high school, college, professional, or just plain little league….are some of the most superstitious fans alive. In fact, I’d be willing to argue that baseball players are by far the most superstitious atheletes in any sport.
For those that can’t see it coming…..I wrote all that so that you won’t think I’m crazy when you read what’s coming next (THERE IS FOUL LANGUAGE BELOW SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION)
I’D LIKE TO ASK THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE, PLAYERS, ORGANIZATIONS, ETC…..TO KINDLY BLOW IT OUT THEIR ASSES:
The New York Yankees. The Yankee players, Yankee coaches, and most importantly the Yankee fans. Especially all of those fans that don’t know shit about baseball other than the Yankees are in New York City and they feel like buying a Derek Jeter jersey and going to some games (YO JETER, HIT IT OVA HEEYAH). Shut the fuck up. I watched the bottom of the ninth last night as Mariano Rivera pitched to Yunel Escobar with 2 outs and 2 strikes and if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought they were playing in New York City. There were more fans cheering for the Yankees than there were Braves fans out of the 42,000 plus. You can’t tell me that all of those fans are transplants from the “greatest city in the world”. (maybe it’s saying something about the Braves…but we’ll get to that later)….for now…..I wanna say “blow it out your ass dick” to:
Mark Teixeira for saying that Joe Girardi is the best coach he’s ever played for, Mariano Rivera and his now 91 mph cutter (that did strike out all 4 Braves he faced….but again, we’ll get to that later)….and Francisco Cervelli (pictured earlier) for rounding the bases like he just hit his first major league home run…..act like you’ve been there before Jackass….oh wait…..it was his first major league home run…..fuck him…he still acted like a penis….Joe Girardi for his joke of an ejection…..come on man, you’re a freakin’ New Yorka…..show some damn spirit…..Bobby Cox (owner of the all-time ejection mark in Major League Baseball as a manager) shows more spirit while getting tossed and he’s 24 years older. Damn.
***I apologize to all the Yankees fans for my tirade….no I don’t, who are you kidding.
Second….and all apologies to any Skip Caray fans that might be offended (I was a huge Skip Caray fan, just look at my WOW post last year…..somehow I doubt this will offend you)….
Chip Caray (despite the fact that you’re a fellow journalism grad from UGA)…on this night……blow it out your ass dick.
Chip……let me give you a piece of advice about commentating, calling a baseball game, etc…(especially when you are a BRAVES announcer…….not an objective announcer, not for some jackleg team like the Yankees….an ATLANTA BRAVES announcer)
If the Braves are in the middle of pitching a PERFECT GAME (and I do mean middle….meaning top of the 5th) …… don’t sit there and comment on the fact that the opposing team (in this case the Jacklegs) haven’t got a hit in 8 plus innings….or that they haven’t had a baserunner yet….or that…..you get the point (by the way, this is the part that I was alluding to with the superstition talk for those of you who were anxiously wondering)
Who’s coming with me? For those that are…..I want to take it one step further……Here’s a paraphrased transcript of Chip’s comments starting in the top of the 5th and continuing into the top of the 6th (yes, not even a full inning mind you):
Top of the 5th (he says):
- 13 in a row retired
- The Yankees have no hits in their last 8 innings, they’ve been set down 15 in a row, the Braves are perfect against them so far
Bottom of the 5th (he says):
- Look at that line score at the top……there hasn’t been a single Yankee baserunner
- for the Yankees, this game’s going to the 6th inning, they don’t have a hit yet
Top of the 6th (he says):
- would it be fair to say that what Beckett did to the Braves is what the Braves are doing to the Yankees tonight?
THEN A STAT POPS UP THAT CHIP READS SAYING:
- New York Yankees do not have a hit in last 8 innings of this series
after which Chip says:
- you’ve gotta figure at some point the Yankees are gonna break out
and finally…….just in case we hadn’t gotten the point over the last inning (and right before Mr. Cervelli’s life changing home run….and the Yankee’s first hit)
- not only do the Yankees not have a hit, they don’t have a baserunner
Screw you Chip…..and goodnight.
Finally, and I’m sure some of you saw this coming…..
Blow it out your ass Jeff Bennett. Someone please, please, please explain to me how in the world this guy is still pitching in the Majors….much less for the Braves after blowin’ game, upon game, upon game (out his ass? damn….maybe I’ll have to think of another way of cussing out Jeff) ……continuing from my previous blog about Bennett….I’ve still yet to see him throw a good inning. Unbelievable.
and last but not least….on a totally unrelated topic (and one I’ll be delving into on the WOW site soon):
I say…..Fuck Rabies shots.
I’ll talk at you all again later.
“the answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind, the answer is blowin’ in the wind”
Today’s Topic: The worst lyrics I’ve heard in years (closing in on ever at a staggering pace)….quick blog
Mood Music: What else….Second Chance by Shinedown
Ok, Ok….I’ll answer this question first:
Yes, I listen to pop music while riding in my truck with mud tires (hey, I saved about $400 on those tires…ease up) and construction debris in the back while covered in paint from touching up a bathroom remodel.
What’s wrong with that?
I’ve gotta say…it’s not always pop music….I entertain myself while driving with a game I like to call “since I’m the only person still alive (under 50) that has ONLY a radio in his car…… (that’s correct…no tape player…do those still exist? I’m guessing no. No CD player. No Ipod connection. You get it)……..I think I’ll change the channel everytime I don’t like the song until I find something worth listening to”. Sounds great doesn’t it? Well, sometimes it can be extraordinary…..like today for example (while driving the truck with debris in the back and paint on my pants) I was flipping through Charlotte’s abysmal selection of FM Radio stations, and came across Jeff Healey singing “Angel Eyes”. I don’t know about you all, but that shit was damn good when I was 8. Ok, 11. And guess what? It still is. Man I was blurting that damn song out…in fact my partner called (we’ll call him Charlie) and when I told him what I was listening to….he asked me to crank it up. So, in fact, I’m not the only one. Maybe there are more of you….
and for the record (and please…no offense to those faithful WOW supporters who are not heterosexuals)….by partner I mean business, and just because 2 dudes like the song “Angel Eyes” by Jeff Healey doesn’t make them gay. Well…..it is a little……we are both happily married……and the song was in the movie “Roadhouse” with Patrick Swayze….a classic film about a guy that’s a bouncer at a bar who falls…..ok, so maybe that’s not a shining example of why to like the song……it just reminds me of childhood.
Speaking of gay…how about that drummer? Whoa. Listen closely for his drum solo/roll towards the end….I’m fairly certain it’s what I modeled my “Rock Band” drum improv/solo after. It’s just too close to call. (if you can’t watch the whole thing….it’s at about the 4:24 mark)
Now, to the point of this (short) blog. I was playing the radio game today and came across a song that I’ve heard about a thousand times whilst playing said game and finally I had to stop the channel surfing for once and listen. And here’s what I heard:
“I just saw Halley’s Comet, she waved…..said why you always running in place”
What the hell.
“even the man in the moon disappeared, somewhere in the stratosphere”
Huh?
There are so many things that bug me about those 2 lines that it would take a “long” blog to fully delve into the magic of these frightfully moronic lyrics….so just a couple things that bothered me and I’ll leave you all to ponder……
(again, no offense to any non-heteros out there)…but
the Halley’s Comet line…….might be the gayest thing I’ve ever heard. The effing comet waved huh. I wonder how they determined it was a she? Was this back in the 80’s? Is he writing about childhood? Did the comet just flicker in the sky and the dude heard, “hey man….why you always runnin’ in place?” Like the comet was busting his chops for living on a planet that orbits the sun as opposed to flying aimlessly throughout space, only to burn out later. Either way, what in the shit does he mean by that line? You got me….but I know 1 thing….
it sucks.
How about the ole’ man in the moon line. that guy hasn’t come up in a song before has he? Now why am I calling the moon a he? I guess it’s because we’re just discussing the “man in the moon” not just the moon, right? Either way, he disappeared at some point…..I’m guessing he too was part of this guy’s vivid childhood imagination (let’s hope he’s just reminiscing and not just effin’ insane) Unfortunately, I’ve got a feeling it’s the latter, because if I’m not mistaken, the stratosphere is part of the Earth’s atmosphere….therefore, sorry Shinedown, the moon just can’t quite disappear somewhere in the stratosphere. Now, maybe there was some cloud cover…or possibly (but doubtful) there was an eclipse….but not in the stratosphere…sorry.
Of course, of the 2 lines….the first is the one that really, really, really gets under my skin. It’s just so damn awful.
Well, that’s it for today. Just a little vent on a Wednesday night for all of you commuters. Check out your FM dial tomorrow and see if you can find this summer’s jam….”Second Chance” by Shinedown. Trust me, it will annoy you…..and maybe later we can discuss the ridiculous pronunciation of the word “me” in pop music these days.
I’ll talk at you all again later.
“please don’t cry one tear for me….I’m not afraid of what I have to say….this is my one and only voice, so listen close….it’s only for today”
Today’s Topic: You can’t spell Jeff Bennett without “effen”
Mood Music: Walk by Pantera
I played high school baseball on a team that had some pretty good pitchers….hell even great. They had great fastballs, a few had incredible curve balls, some were even downright intimidating to face. You wanna know one thing though, that they all had in common?
Walks. Holy effin’ shit. I must admit….one of the worst things to experience as a fielder during a baseball game….is a pitcher that can’t find the damn strike zone.
Guys….I know it can be mental….but we’re not asking for much….just let them HIT the ball. You don’t have to strike everyone out….a home run is better than watching you nitpick the effin’ pitcher until he gets a free base.
So we come to the man that’s the subject of today’s blog. Jeff “effen” Bennett. A relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves.
Damn that’s a familiar sight…sorry, where was I….
Why, you ask, would I devote a whole blog to writing about a guy that most of you have never heard of? It’s easy…I’m a die-hard Braves fan, but it’s becoming harder and harder to spend 3 plus hours watching a team that rations runs like the last embers of a dying fire only to have guys like Jeff “effen” Bennett walk the leadoff hitter in the top of the 11th inning against the Cubs. Guess what happens when you walk the leadoff hitter late in a game? That’s right….the same thing that happens when you walk the pitcher or walk a guy with 2 outs late in the game…….he’s gonna score…almost every time (and if you’re Jeff Bennett…well let’s just say I’ve never watched him walk a guy in a situation like that, that didn’t score).
My motto…..JUST THROW STRIKES. SHIT. You are getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to pitch maybe 4 or 5 innings a week. Throw strikes.
So why single out Bennett? Wait, let’s look at another picture….
That’s why. This is the look that I see every time I decide to spend my night watching the Braves. This idiot walking a guy that’s got a .100 batting average with nobody on base in the 1oth inning. I’m just over it to say the least. A professional baseball team WILL NOT WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP with pitchers like Bennett in the bullpen. Period.
Like a great man once said to my siblings…..”the Braves won’t win” he said. And when asked why….his answer, “cause the Braves ain’t got no bullpen”
You’re damn right.
I mean think about it….if your job was to go out and fix peoples’ cars….and the easiest part of that was changing a tire….yet every other time you did it…..halfway out of the station, the damn tire flew off as the customer was driving away. You wouldn’t have a job very long…would you?
So….let’s see another…..
Well……at least in Spring Training he was giving it the ole’ heroes’ effort. Of course, in a REAL game, Jeff, you can’t throw it underhanded to get it over the plate. Sorry…..and Bobby Cox, you ARE a Hall-of-Fame Manager, but here’s a very minor piece of advice (that I feel qualified to give after watching the Braves for over 25 years of my life)….fire Terry Pendleton (he sucks as a hitting coach…seriously, who has actually improved under Pendleton?)….fire Roger McDowell (he sucks as a pitching coach….it just hasn’t been the same since Mazzone left…hmmmm)….
and for God’s sake…..if a jackass like Jeff Bennett can’t throw strikes…or even worse…walks the leadoff guy in an inning of relief, walks a guy with 2 outs, or heaven forbid…walks the opposing pitcher……send his ass the eff’ down to the minors and let someone pitch (and make a living) that will throw effen’ strikes.
And Jeff, don’t worry man….I’m sure you’ll be forgotten long before the Braves turn this thing around….but don’t feel bad….you can hide your face in another town before too long (if Cox comes to his senses…which isn’t likely at this point I’m afraid)
Go Braves!!!
I’ll talk at you all again later.
“is there no standard anymore…?…..RESPECT, WALK”
